The "Miracle" Drug.

I'm switching it up for this post. Like, a lot. I'm not going to cover a song at all. I'm going to let you hear my very first investigative piece. You've probably never even heard of what my story is centered on, so don't feel bad. I didn't either, until I watched an episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit (which is one of my favorite shows on television). I'm surprised I hadn't seen the episode sooner considering I've seen every other episode at least twice. My television is always set on USA. And that's a solid, fact. B.D. Wong, who plays Dr. Huang in the show, mentioned a drug called ibogaine, which is currently illegal in the United States, and it's potential to treat and nearly cure addiction. It immediately sparked my interest. I'm not sure if it was the journalist in me or the fact that I was genuinely interested in this drug that seemed to be miraculous as to what it could do. I googled it as soon as the episode was over and found out ibogaine was in fact very real. And it was being used to treat addiction all across the world. And just like that, I had an idea for my first story. I was probably most proud of this story's research aspect because I had to do a lot of digging and really learn a large amount from the internet and my sources in order to properly understand this drug and its status in the U.S. and around the world. I hope this story opens your eyes just a little. There really are two sides two every story, each side with their own reasoning behind it. Always choose what you believe in and believe is right. You can't ever go wrong with that. Ever.

The "Miracle" Drug

If you're interested in what I do:

Courtney Allen

Other stories

Round Here.

Lets take a break from love and talk about life. I don't think I've done that since my Drake post. Below is my first post on a rendition. I like it significantly better than the original. You should check both out and see if you agree.

PT Walkley- 'Round Here (Original- Counting Crows)

Step out the front door like the ghost
into the fog where no one notices
the contrast of white on white
And in between the moon and you
angels get a better view
of the crumbling difference between wrong and right
I walk in the air between the rain
through myself and back again
Where? I don't know
Maria says she's dying
through the door I hear her crying
Why? I don't know

Round here we always stand up straight
Round here something radiates

Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand
she said she'd like to meet a boy who looks like Elvis
she walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land
just like she's walking on a wire in the circus
she parks her car outside of my house
and takes her clothes off
She says she's close to understanding Jesus
She knows she's just a little misunderstood
She has trouble acting normal when she's nervous

Round here we're carving out our names
Round here we all look the same
Round here we talk just like lions
But we sacrifice like lambs
Round here she's slipping through my hands

Sleeping children better run like the wind
out of the lightning dream
Mama's little baby better get herself in
out of the lightning

She says It's only in my head
She says Shhh I know it's only in my head
But the girl in car in the parking lot
says "Man you should try to take a shot
can't you see my walls are crumbling?"
Then she looks up at the building
and says she's thinking of jumping
She says she's tired of life
she must be tired of something

Round here she's always on my mind
Round here hey man I've got lots of time
Round here we're never sent to bed early
And nobody makes us wait
Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late

I can't see nothin', nothin', round here. 
No, you catch me when I'm fallin'. 
You catch me if I'm fallin'. 
You catch me if I'm falling down on you. 
I said " I'm under the gun..." 
Round here. 
Man I said "I'm under the gun..." 
Round here. 
And I can't see nothin', nothin'. 
Round here

I remember searching long and hard for this gem. I first heard it in the movie Something Borrowed. I guess that's how I discover a lot of amazing songs that I wouldn't have heard otherwise. They're always amongst some of my very best.

What fascinates me most about "'Round Here" is that I still struggle understanding what it's about. It's defintely not one of those straight forward, on-the-surface songs that can be applied to a million and one circumstances. But even those songs have a detailed story behind them. The exact stories just didn't translate through the song, whether the writer did it on purpose or not. To someone standing on the outside, this song is a bunch of unrelated experiences and ideas squeezed into one song. But I know for the band that wrote it, (it was originally written by the band Counting Crows in case you missed that fact above), it means a little more than that... actually, a lot I'm sure. No matter what this song is about, I know it has a powerful backstory. And I don't dismiss its significance one bit just because I don't fully comprehend it. I assume that's why I listen to it so much. I think every time I listen I find a new way of interpreting it. I don't think I'll ever fully know what this song is about unless I sit down with a member of Counting Crows. And I think I'm okay with that.

If there's one thing that I know for sure, it's that this song was written so carefully, not to mention beautifully. And despite my lack of complete comprehension, there are lines that I really, really love.

"And in between the moon and you, the angels get a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right."

Rome, Italy. 2013

Angels are flying in this picture. I just can't see them. This is the most beautiful spot I've ever been to in my entire life, and if there's anyone that deserves to inhabitat it... it's them. This line means so much. I think it does for anyone who lives on this Earth and recognizes that it can be so loving, accepting, and beautiful yet so hateful and cruel at the same time. I've always considered angels to be somewhat omniscient. Of course not in all aspects, but definitely in a visual sense. I'm sure things are a lot more clear from up there ("up there" as in heaven), and I think Counting Crows would agree. I think the closer you get to Earth, the more cloudy things get; specifically the judgments and choices we make as a human race. Shame on us for slowly losing sight of such a thing. Crumbling. That word haunts me in this context. Although we're losing sight of wrong and right piece by piece, in probably the smallest fragments you could ever imagine, we are heading towards deterioration. Now that's going to take some time... for loss of judgment between what's wrong and what's right... and I'm not going to be around for it nor would I ever want to. But someone will. Some 7 billion people. And me being gone doesn't make it sound any better.

"Round here talk is just like lions. But we sacrifice like lambs."

Aracena, Spain. 2013

My first time seeing a lamb in the flesh. It brings me to this song. I think this line really represents us as people in general. Lions are firece, unbreakable, fearless and can't be touched. And I think that's how we often portray ourselves. We pretend we are a lot stronger than we really are and I think that's okay. But when you look at what you're willing to sacrifice, whatever it may be and for whatever reason, it really reflects what you're all about. Sacrifice is one of the hardest things to do. In reality, who really wants to give one thing up for another? We all want to take all that we can get without facing the consequence of losing something in return.

"'Round Here" is that one little savior that reminds me to stop and take a look at the world and the people around me. It reminds me to think beyond the surface, because there is always something there. Always.

The Light.

Photo: s2smagazine.com

IN HONOR OF SCANDAL THURSDAY...

Let me start off by saying, if you don't watch Scandal... I'm sorry. It's one of the best shows airing on television right now. And I only call it "one of the best" to be fair. I don't watch every show on television so I am forced to leave some breathing room. For those of you who do watch Scandal, you should recognize the song below.

The Album Leaf- The Light

This is song is one in a million. Okay, maybe just one in 1,368. It's the only song on my iPOD that has no words whatsoever. The reason for that is simple: I love music, but I love lyrics way more. But for me, this song doesn't even need it. Scandal is centered around a love triangle, in which the President of the United States, Fitz Grant, is completely in love with Washington D.C.'s most prominent fixer, Olivia Pope, played by the lovely Kerry Washington. As you can probably guess, the third member of the triangle is the First Lady herself, Mellie Grant. I know, so Scandalous right?

The thing with Fitz and Liv is that their love is unlike any other that I've seen on any television show. They are madly in love and there is absolutely no doubting that. You can feel it through the screen; through their facial expressions, through their dialouge, through their body language. It's the type of love where you love the other person more than yourself, and everything you say and do is centered around them. John Mayer type of love is what I like to call it. "The Light" is actually played during very passionate and/or emotional scenes between Fitz and Liv, which happens pretty frequently throughout the series. And if you watch the show, you can't help but feel a huge flow of emotion sneak up on you as soon as it starts playing. Well, that is if you are as emotionally invested in the show and their love as I am. The one thing I hate about their relationship is that it leaves me encouraging an affair, rooting for them to take over the world side by side. In reality, I obviously wouldn't be doing that. But I'll make an exception for Scandal and it's completely fictional world that I sometimes believe I live in. 

The crazy thing about this song is the association I instantly find. Not one word is spoken, sang, or rapped in this song, yet I literally find myself crying and freaking out every time it comes on, simply because I connect it with Scandal. If a writer for a television show can do that... that's nothing less than an extremely successful one. I mean the point in it all is to grab you in, hold your attention, and truly make you feel what they are trying to display. Shonda Rhimes does that every time.

"The Light" is that one little savior that reminds me that music is just as important as the lyrics. And music is often there to let people know how to feel about the lyrics. But if you can feel that emotion, and I mean truly feel it without lyrics. That's..... everything.

Miss Movin' On.

Fifth Harmony. Camila Cabello, Dinah Jane Hudson, Lauren Jauregui, Normani Hamilton and Ally Brooke Hernandez. One of the newest, youngest, most talented girl groups to hit the scene, well... in a while. But get this, they were put together as a group in the last season of the X Factor. And just look where they are now. They've signed with Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid's record labels. They've already released two singles and two music videos, "Miss Movin' On" and "Me and My Girls". Their EP album, Better Together, is expected to hit stores later this month. And they'll also be heading on the road with Demi Lovato at the beginning of next year on her Neon Lights tour. Looks like they're movin' on alright. Check it out for yourself!

Fifth Harmony- Miss Movin' On

I'm breakin' down

 Gonna start from scratch
Shake it off like an etch-a-sketch
My lips are saying goodbye
My eyes are finally dry

I'm not the way that I used to be
I took the record off repeat
It killed me but I survived
And now I'm coming alive

I'll never be that girl again
No oh oh [x2]
My innocence is wearin' thin
But my heart is growing strong
So call me, call me, call me
Miss movin' on
Oh oh oh [x2]

I broke the glass surrounding me
I ain't the way you remember me 
I was such a good girl
So fragile but no more

I jumped the fence to the other side
My whole world was electrified 
Now I'm no longer afraid
It's Independence Day

I'll never be that girl again
No oh oh [x2]
My innocence is wearin' thin
But my heart is growing strong
So call me, call me, call me
Miss movin' on

Everything is changing and I never wanna go back to the way it was
I'm finding who I am and who I am from here and now is gonna be enough
Is gonna be enough

I'll never be that girl again
No oh oh
I'll never be that girl again
Oh oh oh

My innocence is wearin' thin
But my heart is growing strong
So call me, call me, call me
Miss movin' on
Oh oh oh
Miss movin' on

(On and on and on and on and on)

Miss movin' on
Oh oh oh [x4]

Yeah, I'm movin' on

"Miss Movin' On'' is that one little savior that reminds me that girl power still alive! I think that's why I love this group so much. This is one one of the songs on my iPOD that I've been listneing to non-stop over the past few months. I think you pretty much get the point of the song but it's really important! I think as girls we forget that we hold a lot of power. There is nothing better than being fiercely independent and headstrong and knowing what you want. I think there's so much beauty in being able to stand up and say "Look, I've had enough. I'm walking away!" Kind of like Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball", but with a lot less of the heartbreak that I had to cover in my Miley post. And this song doesn't just go for boys. It can literally apply to any situation or person that's holding you back mentally or emotionally. And in that case, we're all Miss Movin' Ons. Except for maybe group member Camila Cabello, who may be movin' on to something, instead of just on. GIRL POWER.

In Your Atmosphere.

The song below is one of the sweetest, saddest songs in all the land about being in love. Like I'm talking top 3, at least. If there's one song that can bring me to tears at any time... it's this one. 

John Mayer- In Your Atmosphere (Live in L.A.)

I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore

I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I don't know what it's like to land and not race to your door
I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore

I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I'm not sure that I really ever could
Hold on to your hotel key in your bedroom neighborhood
Me sleepwalkin' in Hollywood

I'm gonna steer clear 
and burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
cause I'd die if I saw you, I'd die if I didn't see you there
So I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore

Ooooooooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooooooooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooooooooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, oooooooh

I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I get lost on the boulevard at night
Without your voice to tell me "I love you, take a right"
The 10 and the 2 is the lonliest sight

I'm gonna steer clear
and burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
cause I'd die if I saw you, I'd die if I didn't see you

I'm gonna steer clear, aww yea
and burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
cause I'd die if I saw you, I'd die if I didn't see you there, see you there

I think I'm gonna stay, gonna stay in the grey
I think I'm gonna stay
And all the streetlights say nevermind, nevermind
And the canyon lines say nevermind
And sunset says we see this all the time
Nevermind, never you mind

Wherever I go, whatever I do
I wonder where I am in my relationship to you
Wherever you go, wherever you are
I watch your life play out in pictures from afar

Wherever I go, whatever I do
I wonder where I am in my relationship to you
Wherever you go, wherever you are
I watch that pretty life play out in pictures from afar

oooooohhh, oooooooh, oh, oh oh
oooooohhh, oooooooh, oh, oh oh
oooooohhh, oooooooh, oh, oh oh
oooooohhh, oooooooh, oh, oh oh, oooh oh ohh ohhh oh

This song is love. Like can you even  imagine feeling that way about someone? John Mayer is a lyrical genius. He's like my male Taylor Swift, except I don't love him nearly as much. I first heard this song by accident and immediately fell in love with it. I remember I listened to it about 100 times that day, and the day after that and the day after that. And life hasn't been the same since. Okay okay, I'm kidding. But really, it's awesome. Every line in this song is so detailed and it just makes me feel so bad for John Mayer, not knowing whether this was his reality or all made up in his head. Either is enough to want to run up to him and give him the biggest hug. The thing is... whoever he is talking about, he was head over heels unlike I've ever heard or seen before. It's such a depressing but beautiful way to be the way he describes in this song. I'm not even sure how those two adjectives go together but I usually lay down crying and saying "aweeee" at the same time. I'm not going to go through the whole song because I think you pretty much get my point. And it just might go on forever. But I do want to point out a few things.

First of all, "I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore." He literally considers staying away from an entire city because it represents and reminds him of the girl that he loves. Like, he can't even disassociate the two. And trust me, I really don't think he's gonna go to LA anymore. I mean he did say it six times. I counted. Or maybe he only did that because he was trying to convince himself that he wouldn't, when he really was and wanted to more than anything.

Second. "I'd die if I saw you, I'd die if I didn't see you there." Well, that's unfortunate. I guess my logic from the last paragraph (the method of repeating to convince himself)  makes sense after all. It's like a lost cause for him because he'll either be wanting her and thinking about her so much that he wants to see her desperately or see her and experience all the negative feelings assosicated with what he already knows he's missing. I mean he's basically saying there is absolutely no way around loving her and needing her no matter what he does.

And at last... "Wherever I go, whatever I do. I wonder where I am in my relationship to you. Wherever you go, wherever you are, I watch your life play out in pictures from afar." Wow... just wow. Hands down, the best part of the song. And the part that really lets us know just how much he loves her, even though it was more than clear the first half of the song. The amount of love he has for her is truly unreal. Do you realize what he's saying here? He bases the significance of what he does and where he is, all around her. How close he is to her, even when he knows he's not going to end up in the same spot as her... ever. And he knows that. But it's just the mere thought that brings him peace, even if it's just a little. And the saddest fact of them all... that he is not a part of her life anymore. Like at all. I mean he only sees her through pictures. But it seems like he's so grateful for that even though that's not even close to what he truly wants. But for him, that's better than absolutely nothing. Nothing is what would kill him.

"In Your Atmosphere" is that one little savior that reminds me that love is the realeast -physical, emotional and mental- feeling in the entire world. And I just don't think there's anything I can explain further than that.

The video below is a story that I did last semester, in which I was able to incorporate "In Your Atmosphere" in. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do every time I watch it.

Behind a Smile

Reporter: Courtney Allen

Wrecking Ball.

Poor Miley. And I really mean that. But before you disagree... you should probably watch this.

Miley Cyrus- Wrecking Ball (Director's Cut)

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain

We jumped never asking why

We kissed, I feel under your spell

A love no one could deny

Don't you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I can't live a lie, running for my life

I will  always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah you, you wreck me

I put you high up in the sky

and now you're not coming down

It slowly turned, you let me burn

and now we're ashes on the ground

Don't you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I can't live a lie, running for my life

I will  always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball

Yeah I just closed my eyes and swung

Left me crashing in a blazing fall

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah you, you wreck me

I never meant to start a war

I just wanted you to let me in

And instead of using force

I guess I should've let you win

I never meant to start a war

I just wanted you to let me in

I guess I should've let you win

Don't you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball

Yeah I just closed my eyes and swung

Left me crashing in a blazing fall

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah you, you wreck me

Yeah you, you wreck me

Wow. I really wasn't planning on covering "Wrecking Ball" this week; actually, not at all. But a friend of mine told me about the director's cut video and after I saw it, I just had to. This song is utter heartbreak. The lyrics.. the video.. Miley, period. I'm so glad they decided to publish the director's cut. I actually like it so much more than the original. And that says a lot for a video that's nearly four minutes of the same close-up shot. But it tells a story, even if she's just crying and singing her heart out to the camera. That's all I ever really need.

As you may or may not know, Miley and her now ex-fiance Liam Hensworth, announced their split last month. There had been a million and one rumors about a break-up between them for months, but let's be real... that's typical Hollywood gossip. Or so I thought. Turns out it wasn't just gossip. Don't you just hate when that happens? Sources say Miley is the one who broke off their engagement and relationship, and I would say that this song definitely backs up those sources. But we don't know for sure.

Now I know Miley is a little out of control these days with her infamous and rather inappropriate VMA performance, her "We Can't Stop" and "23" videos, and her risque outfits and rebelious attitude, but a huge part of me thinks she does it to stir up the media, simply because she can. Literally everyone has some idea of what they want Miley to act, dress, sing, talk and walk like. It's been like this since her Hannah Montana days... but back then she was actually a child. For some reason I think a lot of people are struggling to accept that that is just not the case anymore. 1) She's grown, 2) Hannah Montana was a character. A fictional character, and 3) It's Miley's life. In all honesty, she could tone it down a little. But whether she does or not most definitely isn't going to affect my life in any way besides being entertained by her next crazy move and even more entertained by the responses from my peers and the world of social media. But that's not even what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to talk about a wrecking ball.

Reitz Union, University of Florida. 2013

I took this picture a couple of weeks ago not even thinking that I would use it for this blog post. Funny how things work out. Now I know there is no wrecking ball in this picture, but this is most definitely the aftermath of one. This building (Reitz Union) is completely destroyed. I guess you could say Miley's heart is the Reitz Union, or what's left of it. This comparison is pretty bad. I mean look at the picture. I wouldn't want any parts of it. But the thing is...yes, the Reitz Union was torn down.... but only to be built back up; to be bigger, and better, and stronger than it ever was before. And that too is Miley's heart, although it might not seem like it right now. It will heal, and find itself again, and fall in love again. But this song doesn't focus on that. This song is everything in between. The worst of it all. But can you really blame her? I'm going to focus on the repeated verse that comes before the chorus and the chorus itself. And just a warning, this is going to be my longest blog post, simply because that's what this song deserves.

.... before the chorus:

"Don't you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I can't live a lie, running for my life

I will always want you"

This song has unique angle in the fact that the one who was damaged from the relationship seemed to be the one who actually ended the relationship. I think it's easy for us assume that a person definitely got dumped if they are as heartbroken as this song reveals. But every love story is different in its own way. I think that's why she takes the time to say "don't you ever say I just walked away," because that's the conclusion we naturally come to. That the person who ended the relationship gave up, moved on, changed, etc. That's not the case here. She makes it more than clear that she will never truly move on, saying "I will always want you." Not once, but twice in verse before the chorus. It's obvious this girl just did not want to end this relationship, but it was more like she had to for some reason. A reason she credits to the fact that she "can't live a lie." That's some serious stuff. If there's anything that will eat a reasonable person alive, it's living a lie. The next line, "running for my life," gave me a pretty good understanding of the entire situation. I've come up with this: 

This girl is in a major conflict, both with herself and her partner. She loves him more than I can really properly put into words. And about the only thing more important to her than him is her own self preservation- her values, her happiness, her peace of mind -and that was being threatned on a large scale. She was fighting to keep them... the things that made her who she was. She was putting in so much more in the relationship than she was getting out- love, committment, support, communication, attention (the very things you need for a relationship to grow) -for whatever reason that may be. Honestly, I'm not even sure if she fully knew, and that made the relationship all the more detrimental. And at some point, she had to decide what mattered most. And she chose herself. I mean if you lose yourself... what else really matters at all?

...... and then comes the chorus:

"I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

The chorus recounts all of the passion that was put into the relationship. The simple fact that she is compared to a wrecking ball says it all. Wrecking balls come in strong, with no hesistation, ready to produce an outcome. That's a quality that I can say I truly look up to. People that allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to fall in love like this song explains... that's crazy to me. There are so many possibilities for heartbreak, which unfortunately exactly how this ended. I think the saddest part is that she tried so desperately to get him to open his heart and mind up like she had, but it all backfired on her. In the end, she just couldn't manage put the pieces back together on her own. Sometimes you just can't.

"Wrecking Ball" is that one little savior that reminds me that sometimes letting go is really the only way to truly save yourself. And that letting go doesn't mean you don't love someone with everything you have, that you wanted to walk away, that walking away wasn't the hardest thing you've ever done, that you aren't left utterly broken in the end. Because you are. The only difference is that when you let go, you've released the last little shred of hope for your own self-preservation and you re-gain control over something, anything within you after feeling like you've lost it all to the one you love. Sometimes I think being the one to walk away from the one you love is even harder. You should ask Miley.